i am a stereotype...

i try my best to avoid being a stereotype. it's inevitable that my skin will cringe when i hear an attempt at a joke using some combination of black people, fried chicken, and watermelon. but lord knows...i can eat some watermelon. sorry to disappoint you my sistahs and brothas. but i am a watermelon eatin', seed spittin' member of society. i just can't help it. maybe it's genetics. i steer far away from soul food and only eat about two out of twenty options at a church (a black church) picnic, but let a couple members of that congregation put out a watermelon tray and see if i don't somehow, someway mosey on up to the front of the line for my slice (or two) of juicy watermelon.

so imagine my surprise when my co-worker offers me a slice of organic watermelon (**sidebar: although i love some of that delicious fruit something about white people offering me watermelon just doesn't quite sit right with me, but he's Chilean so it's ok and I accept) and the watermelon that i've known for the last 23 years with it's green striped rind and magenta semi-mushy center is...yellow!

now, maybe i've been under a rock somewhere but i had no clue that watermelon came in different colors! when did god decide to do this and can he send out a memo next time? and above and beyond all of that can someone please make it a national declaration that yellow watermelon is indeed, the truth! not only is it the best watermelon that i've ever had but i'm convinced that it is the best fruit that has ever taken the route from my plate to my tastebuds.

it sucks that summer is over and those of you that have not been privy to this delicious fruit will not get to try it until next year (unless you find yourself in some asian country where these things are growing year-round). but i do suggest that you add it to your new year's resolutions list as a bullet point to the "try new things" goal that is probably on your list every new year. and make sure you cross this one off and with the check mark find yourself like me...a straight up stereotype.


*ugl note: an urban girl always does her research and found out there's more than 1,000 varieties of watermelon, including pink, orange, and white. and i can't wait to try them all!

pass on the muffins.

everybody knows that a little meat on the bones has never hurt anybody. who doesn't like to see a healthy lady lump covered up by the perfect pair of citizens (they suit my fancy). but lately, i have been feeling past "a little meaty" and plain old fat. now, i know that i'm not fat-fat, in fact, i think that i'm more skinny-fat. meaning that to most people i look skinny, but in reality, i'm covering up the fat very well.

i have fat in weird places. places that i can't stand. underarm fat! little bits of back fat! fat knee caps! and of course i need to take control of my mini muffin top before it becomes one giant costco-sized muffin!

(muffin top = a very bad look)

so i set my goal pretty low. ten lbs. how difficult can that be? i'll go to the gym, cut out some of the things that i adore, and the weight should just slip right off, right? wrong. take it from me, it's hard as hell to lose 10 lbs. so i've changed my goal. tone up: who cares about the number? :-)

being someone that loves group activities, i've dragged all of my girls into this workout frenzied life of mine. dragging them all to the gym. nagging as they attempt to eat something covered in batter. and this feat has been much more tough than losing weight. it's a downright headache. but why i ask? don't they care about their physique? aren't they excited about the health benefits that come with cardio activity 4-5 times a week? and yeah, they do care. and of course they are concerned with their shapes (my girls are hot girls). so why the hesitation? i'll tell you...black girls do not know how to work out.


i said it. it's not their thing. they haven't been cultured on how to use a public gym. or where to start when having their first elliptical experience. if you know a black girl that's not an athlete chances are she does not frequent a workout facility. and not because she doesn't want to, but because she doesn't know how. in efforts to reduce the black girl bubble guts, here a few guidelines for my sisters, on how to get your workout on:

1. invest in workout gear. just because the purpose of working out is sweating up your clothes does not mean that you have to walk into the gym looking like whoshotjon. invest in a couple pairs of shorts and tanks. you can always find these pieces on sale and since you're not an avid lover of the gym, you don't need to be in season. last years workout styles will do you just fine. avoid wearing your saturday cleanup duds to the gym on tuesday. you will not feel cute and feeling good about yourself makes you want to improve your lifestyle.
2. you will sweat out your hair, get over it. stop your whining and complaining before you go to the gym and just chalk it up before you step foot on that treadmill. your perm or flatironed 'do will be done when you step off. it's a fact and a result of a good workout. this does not mean that you walk into the gym with a do-rag or the silk scarf that you wrap your hair in at night. instead opt for a cotton headband and a ponytail or try a runner's cap. which allows you to continue to look like you have some sense and compliments your workout gear nicely.



Do Rag vs. Runner's Cap

3. have a plan. regulars at the gym will have no problem telling you that your 15 minutes on the stairmaster are up if they are next in line. Get the most out of your time and have a plan that allows you to accomplish your tasks in a timely manner. visit websites that have workout plans, consult a trainer, buy workout magazine...but don't go in the gym blindfolded. have an outline of what you're going to do before you get there.
4. grab a friend. us girls...we gotta stick together. it's hard taking on this new life all by yourself. get a workout partner (even if it's not a girlfriend) that has similar goals to yours. with a friend at the gym, you'll be able to push each other when the going gets tough. if your close circle of friends doesn't take you up on your gym outing offer, be outgoing and make friends with someone at the gym...at least you know they want to workout.
5. don't waste your workout. leaving the gym and heading to starbucks for a 350 calorie drink is a waste of a workout. trust me, if it's your first time at the gym in over a week, you did not hardly work hard enough to reward yourself with a tasty treat. pass on it and opt for orange juice. ladies, you gotta watch what you eat and DRINK (those martinis, as fly as they look and as good as they taste) are full of sugar and calories. just say no. and fried foods are not your friends.

now that you are equipped with the workout basics, get your butt off the computer and go to the gym! see you there.

*ugl tip: an urban girl loves to live her best life...be healthy... ugl

he got game

it's no secret that i am a big time fan of Making the Band 4. i watch them like they are all my homies from the block, when in reality i know none of them (yet i feel so connected to each one). i buy their albums. i watch their videos. i even at one point had a "badgirl" ringtone on my iphone. i am fan. so it should be no surprise that i was tuned into my screen at exactly 9:00pm last night to indulge in an hour long showing of diddy's proteges grinding it out in preparation for their 10-week tour (which was a shocker. tour?! when did that occur? i've been waiting on danity kane to let off a second single).

mid way through the show, just as the boys were gearing up for rehearsal, who appears in front of the camera for yet another grasp of reality tv stardom, in efforts to extend her 15 minutes...laurie ann! i was on the same page as the boys. wtf laurie ann. beat it! and while i have gotten a couple of hilarious quotes from this woman, i have never been a fan of her style when she choreographs the men. why laurie ann? why must you stick them with new edition's rejected photoreal moves? it's just not hot.

but what was hot...the "kiss and make up" scene between diddy and LA! was it just me or was he gaming her to get back on board? let's face it. this woman does make for good tv. with her larger than life personality and boom-kats; among a group of dry semi-adult singers, she IS the show. and we all knew she would definitely come back...i mean, she needs a check! we're in a recession. but diddy pulled out the one, two punch when he stared in her eyes and said..."did you miss me?" WOW...he had the girl in tears. and it took me right back to those late night high school conversations. "Boy, you know I missed you!"

And I...I missed you MTB4. Thank you for filling up my Tuesday 9-10pm time slot with quality television. :-)

smell like badu

no doubt that this is a bangin shot of erykah b. and while anyone with just a little knowledge of why we actually spend our rent money on gucci bags will appreciate a fragrance from tom ford. but do you really want to smell like badu? i for one...ba-don't.

erykah badu gets two thumbs up for setting a standard of a tree huggin', global warming prevention-type lifestyle. and keeping in trend with the 'go green' movement, i have adopted many a new habits in my life: sustainable mugs, not printing my emails, wearing organic cotton...i am doing my part! but doesn't something about this woman in all of her earthiness say that this scent will indeed tickle your nose hairs?

is it a great ad? hell yeah. is she photogenic? more than some models. is tom ford known for knowing what a woman wants? duh. but this...this he can keep.

ugl loves urban fondue

recently my friends and i hosted a bridal shower for our friend here in portland. while there are a ton of cute places to dine and celebrate here in the city, they may not all be accommodating to a bunch of chicks playing "how well does the bride know the groom" all up and through their dining room. not to mention that this is one picky group of eaters, so choice food is a necessity. what's a bridal party to do?

fast forward to Urban Fondue...

this place is SO cute. and they have a private area for dining for large parties, that (see for yourself) has the cutest decor and is absolutely perfect for a girl's night or a small work gathering. but be forewarned...this ain't no Melting Pot. you won't find any products for sale and you should definitely make a reservation because this is one spot you need to go too.

stop the madness

it has definitely become a major issue in nightclubs across the country. it's something that those of us with just a tad bit of decency and a smidgen of fashion conscious rules cannot comprehend. it has crossed that fine line between sexy and slutacious. it has taken forever21 (and those similar) to a whole new level of profit. and quite frankly, i just can't take it any more.


what is this you ask that has me in such an uproar? take a look...




despite what you ladies without the conformity to recognize standards may think, these and garments like these, are not and i repeat, these are not dresses. they are shirts. period. no questions asked, no further discussion needed. please stop wearing them to the club with your loud, colorful pumps; it's making me crazy. and please refrain from any witty comebacks like, 'if you don't like what i'm wearing, don't look". i have no choice. you all are everywhere and what's worse...you roll in packs like a handful of skittles, each girl in a shirt that's a different shade of the rainbow.


please do not mistake these words of frustration as hate. far from it. this is in fact advice for the mistaken. i do not hate, it's not in me. i just want all my fellow females to avoid this inevitable violation from the fashion police. give yourself a few inches of material to maneuver through the club without having to pull your dress down every 3 paces for fear of flashing your vajayjay to standers-by. this is an embarrassing moment that will surely surpass the lifespan of your "dress" and the pictures that you take now will provide enough discomfort as you look back on them in your later days and ponder on what the hell you were thinking. and all else aside...you look stank.


*ugl note: an urban girl loves to wear a mini but always knows when, where, and how to wear it.

one thing i love about the great nw

i used to absolutely hate when i would walk into my favorite happy hour spot (which shall remain nameless to avoid publicizing those that have since switched their menu and become gross) and i was getting ready to take my first sip of a signature martini or perhaps my initial taste of that infamous spinach dip and all i received was a mouth full of smoke. but now...i don't have that problem anymore, because my fellow oregonians have taken note that great ambiance does not include a smokey atmosphere. i can now eat with a clear mind, knowing that my dearest bud is not about to to curse someone out if they blow smoke in her freshly washed and flat-ironed hair. i thank you oregonians, for voting about making this place smoke-free, for acknowledging those that do, and encourging those who don't. To see if your fav restuarant is going smoke free, click here.

funny site.

i know we all want to say that we're all alike. that skin is just a color and on the inside we're the same. newsflash: we're not. we are different. very. there are things that white people do that we (black people) just don't do: i.e., kissing your dog in the mouth (i love the crap outta my dog, but we'll never smack lips). and in the same respect, there's plenty of things that black people do that white people will not think twice about doing...but this is monday, and we aren't here to talk about that list. instead, we're here to highlight a very socially aware and humorous website: http://www.stuffwhitepeoplelike.com/. swpl is a site that picks at white people but in a very tasteful way, and if nothing more, it really is usefull information. i think even i can benefit from knowing what white people like. :-)

www.troublmedia.com

if you're looking for a new website to get your mind revving and a place to have a great discussion, visit http://www.troublmedia.com/ . the writers are young and educated and they actually have something other than celebrity gossip (and no i am not turning my nose up at the gossip blogs, 'cause i loves to see what beyonce was wearing at the club too). anyway, check and tell 'em i sent you. enjoy!

get (gone) bento.

about this time last year, one of my dearest friends introduced me to a small, locally owned business, that goes by the name of "get bento". i loved it. it was cute, clean, and friendly...and not to mention this place had the best bento i had ever tasted! and trust me, i've had my fair share of bentos. i patronized this eatery frequently, becoming a regular, so much so that the gal at the register recognized me outside of her job. i mean, this was some dang good bento. i ranted and raved about this bento and had to put everyone i knew ON. even if it was a little spendy (i'd heard the complaints, but i just ignored them) it was well worth it. the chicken was organic and all white meat. the yummy teriyaki sauce was low in sodium. and the rice, even brown, was delicious.

but then like many of locally owned joints...they started pinching pennies. taking short cuts to doop us loyal bento eaters out of our dollars. and i liked them so much that i gave them more than one chance to make it up to me, but "get bento", you have failed and now i must bid you ado.

here are three fatal mistakes that aided in the loss of my business..

strike one. shredded chicken - do you know how my heart sank when i opened up my box of bento and discovered that you had taken what used to be healthy chunks of chicken and literally ripped it to shreds? i felt like you tried to pull the wool over my eyes. any idiot can see that this is less chicken spread over the same mass of rice. poor decision.

strike two. cold food- "get bento" you only serve 5-6 items on your menu. why don't you have time to keep the food warm? can you feel me when i was dang near through with ya'll when on a hungry evening, a couple of skipped meals, and a workout i went to get down on my bento and it was...cold? wtf? and dare i ask you to heat up the same food that you already served me? man, hell no. hot food or no food. you know better than that.

strike three. higher prices-now...granted you make some super delicious, lip smacking bento, but what window did you jump out of when you decided to up the prices? that's just crazy talk. did you not get the memo that went around months before the price increase that you were the most expensive bento in town? i'm sure you did because i've been reading it on tons of the reviews that are posted about you. next time, take heed to your customers reviews. we know of what we speak. either way, you won't see a nickel from me until this problem has been corrected.

i really, really liked you "get bento" but our relationship rollercoaster has hit a brick wall. we're at a standstill. and oh how i hate to say it, but i'm over you. you and your expensive chicken bowls. maybe a time will come when we can enjoy each other's company again...but until then you must get 'gone', bento!